Creative Ways to Transform Challenges:
Reclaiming/Kindling What You Want In Life

You Are Always Happy Alan Michael Ross

When you ask someone, ‘What is the purpose of life?’, most people, after much umming and ahhing, say something like, ‘to be happy’. We all have the desire to be happy. ‘Happy’ is some conglomeration of feeling good – light, free, strong, flowing – and not feeling bad – nothing to worry about, no fears and concerns. This is what drives us. If you observe yourself for a day you’ll see that in every situation, we move away from situations where we don’t feel good and towards that which we think will have us feel good. Right?

But what if the place we are looking for happiness is the wrong place?

Our main thought, even if we are not aware of it, is that happiness is out there and over there. A misconception that things ‘out there’ MAKE us happy and so, GIVE us happiness. If I can just get the world to look the way I want, if this happens, if I have that, if I am doing this… then I will be happy… in the future. And if we get there, we’ll GET it. So, we plan and do things that will hopefully result in us being happy with our lot in life. And this is our continual struggle and why life can sometimes be very tiring! Come on happiness, where did you go? I know you are around here somewhere!

The thing is this, happiness is NOT a thing! A good job can’t GIVE it to us, our new clothes can’t GIVE it to us, and our favorite car can’t GIVE it to us. How many times have you had a car turn around to you and say, "There you go; there’s a box of happiness; it’s for you!"

Several years ago I was sitting on a beach in Hawaii, where I was living, watching the sun set on the Pacific Ocean and I was NOT happy! I was thinking, if I could just have this, be there, do that, THEN I will be happy! Then the shock of the contrast hit me. Well, this is paradise. If I’m not happy here, where?! So I thought back and remembered that a few months before, I wasn’t happy, thinking, if I could just get that job in Hawaii, live there, go to the beach, paradise, THEN I’ll be happy! And I went back, and back. Same pattern. What if it’s not that ‘out there’ that makes me happy? Maybe it’s what I am bringing to the party! Maybe it’s not a THING I can GET from out there?

So what is it if it’s not a thing that we can get? It’s a state of being. You are not having happy, you’re not doing happy, you’re BEING happy. Starts to sound pretty elusive at this point, right?! Yes and no. The good news is that happiness is our natural state. Why? Because we are happy when we are being ourselves. Happiness is like the sun behind the clouds. It is always there. It’s just that what we think and do has us being some thing other than happy, like anxious, stressed, worried, bored, and doubtful. You are always happy. You are just not aware of it because you are paying attention to something else!

So, how do we experience our happiness? This state of being our true selves. Well here are some pointers.

You can only be happy now!

If you notice yourself for one day you will see that in the majority of moments you want something else other than what is happening now – we are UNHAPPY WITH NOW! We think that, if it was like this, if he didn’t do that, if I had this, then it would be better. When we set goals or think about what we want in life, it is always, I will be happy when I have this, do that, sort this situation out in the FUTURE. But tomorrow never comes. And the cycle continues. You can only be happy now!

The very thought that happiness is ‘over there’ means that it’s ‘not here’ and that becomes your experience. Your mind is like a Xerox machine, it simply copies your thoughts that generate your experience. So, what to do? Know that happiness is a NOW experience. You can only experience your being happy now. And if you keep waiting for it, it will wait. Accept your circumstance now and be happy.

Focus on what you want

Many times what stops us from being happy now is that we are being concerned, anxious, even fearful of the future – we are UNHAPPY WITH THE FUTURE! This can be the next 15 minutes, hour, day, or week. So what are we doing? Simple, we are focusing on what we don’t want to happen. Thinking about all the things that could happen that you don’t want and not being happy about them! Stop doing that to yourself! It doesn’t feel good!

So it’s simple. When you catch yourself worrying about the future, notice that you are thinking about what you don’t want, and THINK AGAIN! Best not hold on too tight though. I suggest you…

Let go & flow!

In our desire to reduce ‘bad situations’ and increase ‘good situations’, we continuously monitor and control with our minds. I have to do this, sort that out, make sure this happens, and on and on. This creates stress. We are still thinking that we can only be happy when xyz happens and worrying that if we don’t control it, it won't happen.

What to do? Realize that your being happy is nothing to do with what ‘happens’ and be happy NOW. Decide what you want, then let it go. Trust in yourself, and let the results flow.

A technique to make all this possible

This technique is so simple that it may be dismissed. But try it for yourself and you will see. It’s simple, but it may not be easy… to begin with anyway, because it is the opposite of what you are doing now. Like anything, though, it gets easier with practise and becomes habitual. AND it will change your life. Ready?

WATCH! That’s it. Watch, observe, listen... whatever you want to call it. Observe your thoughts, feelings, and things that are happening. No need to judge, analyse or get involved. Simply watch! You may have thoughts come up about what you are doing as you are doing this, but just watch them go by as well! It’s the passing parade. No need to get involved. They are merely ‘suggestions’ for you to consider, or not.

What happens? You begin to realise that everything is just a thought, and you can choose to take it on and get involved, or not. You begin to connect to more of your experience, rather than being distracted. You feel free, calm, centred, stronger, with peace of mind… sounds like being happy!

The secret

So what do you discover? There are no ‘bad situations’ or ‘good situations’! Only that which you think they are. The meaning you put on them. Like ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’. You create your own good and bad by your thoughts about things. So, you have the power to let that go… And BE HAPPY NOW!

© 2003 Alan Michael Ross. All rights reserved. Article reprinted by permission of the author.

Happiness Coach, Alan Michael Ross, is dedicated to helping you improve your experience of life. For information about starting your own HAPPINESS PROGRAM or to get his free 101-day Self-Awareness Coaching Programme and more FREE resources, visit www.HappinessZone.com now!

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