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Creative
Ways to Transform Challenges: Five
Health and Happiness Boosters M.J.
Ryan Fix What's Bugging You In Learned Optimism, Martin Seligman offers research to show that the main difference between happy, successful people and depressed, unsuccessful folks is how they deal with difficulty. Unhappy people tend to shut down in the face of a problem; happy individuals take action to solve their problems. Optimists also tend not to get mired in blaming themselves for what's wrong as pessimists do; they focus instead on solutions. If, like me, you're not a natural optimist, you still can cultivate the mental attitudes of one-or at least tone down your negative thinking. When you find yourself getting mired in a problem, say to yourself, "I can fix this." Rather than complaining, make a list of ten things (no matter how crazy) you can do to help solve the situation. For example, if you are concerned about money, here's a list of things you can do to generate more: rent a room in your house, baby-sit at night, sell your used books, sell your car, start day trading, have your child become a model, offer to barter instead of paying cash for things, pay your mortgage bimonthly (it's shaving three years off my thirty-year mortgage-a huge savings), go to night school and learn a trade, grow plants and vegetables and sell them at the farmer's market. Then look at the list and see what makes the most sense. Try it. (P. 57) Seek Out a Third Place Sometimes all we need is a change of environment to lift our spirits. We can get so stuck in traversing the path from home to work and back that we don't venture any further. But for years, scientists have touted the benefits of what sociologist George Simmel calls your "third place"-a public venue where you can "stand outside yourself and get some perspective." Some people find their third place in cafés, others in public parks. Some folks like the anonymous buzz of people around them; others need solitude. (An author I know once did a research project in which she asked students to name the places in nature they went to for comfort. As I remember, they fell into two categories-those near water, and those that afforded a long view. A young man in the Midwest, which is very flat, chose the top of a tower. Do you have a third place? If so, make some time for it soon. If not, imagine the benefits of finding one. (p.63) Count Your Thoughts This one takes a bit of practice, but you can get the benefit from it even if you succeed just a little bit. Because happiness is an inside job, and because it has been shown that we are constantly sending either positive or negative messages to ourselves, people who are happy have predominately positive thoughts. Therefore, to be happier, we need to learn to increase the number of positive thoughts and decrease the negative ones. For today, count the number of negative and positive thoughts you have in ten minutes. The trick is to notice yourself thinking; so much of this is below the level of consciousness. But the more you intend to notice, the more you will notice. It's easiest to do when nothing else is going on. So sit down quietly and notice where you mind goes. Does it beat you up for forgetting to notice your thinking? Does it habitually go toward gloomy possibilities? Doing this was very powerful for me. I realized that in ten minutes, I had only negative thoughts-castigating myself, worrying about the future turning out badly. I did not think one positive thing! If your mind is deeply grooved in negativity, it won't go away overnight. What I've learned to do is that when I notice myself looking on the dark side, I consciously think a few positive thoughts as well to counteract it. (p. 86) That May Not Be True Yesterday we looked at the kind of negative self-talk we engage in on a regular basis. Today we're going to explore further how to counteract it. The good news is that you can learn to be more positive and optimistic. In studies, children who were put through the Renn Optimism Program were less likely to be depressed, and those with depressive symptoms cut their risk in half. What did they do? First they learned to identify their negative thinking, and then they learned to say to themselves, "Wait a minute! That may not be true." Here's an example: A child gets a D on a test. The negative thought is "I'm stupid?' The child is taught to think of alternate explanations and reframings: "I did well last time. Just because I did poorly on one test doesn't mean I'm stupid." Give it a try. When you catch yourself making a negative statement about yourself or someone else, think of alternate positive explanations. (p. 87) Beware of Emotional Vampires Emotional vampires are people who suck the energy out of you or otherwise bring you down. They do it in various ways-by endlessly complaining, general negativity, bad-mouthing others (my experience with badmouthers: you'll be the target as soon as you leave the room). We tend to take on the energy charge of those whom we are around, so the more time you spend with vampires, the more depressed and negative you'll feel. Do
yourself a favor and avoid spending a lot of time with people who
bring you down. Instead, focus on folks who are like rays of sunshine
in your life, and soon you'll be shining too. (p. 101) From 365 Health and Happiness Boosters by M.J. Ryan © 1999 by Conari Press. Excerpted with permission from Conari Press, Berkeley, California. www.conari.com. For more information, call 1-800-685-9595
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