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Doorways of Support and Inspiration:: Needs Of The Dying, Excerpt from Where
Souls Meet: Communicating With the Terminally Ill Dillon Woods Until the day I die… ·
I have the need to be treated with the knowledge and respect that this
is my life. Until the day I die, I am
still an individual and it’s right for me to be part
of the decisions that concern my care. Try to
let the terminally ill person do things their way. Always ask for their
preference when a decision needs to be made. Do not force your will on
them. Trust that they will let you know how they want to deal with a situation.
If they are not being clear, feel free to ask questions and encourage a
discussion. Do not judge any decisions a
patient has made that you disagree with. ·
I need to keep a feeling of hope alive in my heart, no matter the
circumstances. Talk
about how great something in the future will be. Remind your loved one of what
they have to look forward to. Create moments for them to look forward
to. Sit with them, walk, and hold their hand while they face the toughest
battle of their life. ·
I need to feel you are the friend you have always been. I need your
presence in my life frequently. Don’t avoid a dying friend. At least call and talk
a little. Often times people may not know what to say
at times like these so they stay away completely. Those who are ill may not
always have the energy to have long conversations, so a short conversation will
probably be welcome, anyway. It’s always
nice to hear a friendly voice and be reminded that someone loves you and is
thinking of you. Even if you can’t be
with them often, the flowers, cards and cookies you bring stay with them when
you leave. Some
things you might do: call for a shopping list, ask if you can visit for lunch, ask if they feel like talking that day (don’t be afraid to
ask, “do you feel like talking about what you are going through?). Help the
family and children; this is very hard for them too. A terminally ill person
needs help from the family in accepting their death and they also need
help for the family in accepting their death. At holiday time, join in the celebration by
helping to decorate their room! Bring a book of your favorite quotes or a
homemade tape of inspirational readings. Your loved one needs you. They are
probably very lonely and afraid. ·
I need to be touched, but please ask permission before you touch too
long. Simply
touching a hand or giving a hug can help give support at this time when they
feel so alone. However, there are moments when emotional and physical space is
necessary. Don’t be hurt if they want to be alone. ·
I have the need to express my feelings freely. Support
your loved one regardless of whether they laugh or cry. Both laughter and tears of sadness are especially
important at this time. Any help you can be to bringing more of this into the
life of an ill person is always a welcomed breath of fresh air. ·
I need a break from this world of healthcare. Their
whole life is consumed with doctors, disease and medications. Any extra time
you can spare to take a sick friend out for a walk, a cup of coffee, lunch, or
a movie is always appreciated. Give the patient a vacation from their world as
much as you can. ·
I sometimes need to simply sit in silence. An ill person
may not always feel the need to talk. Often there are times when it’s nice to
just have someone in the room. Sometimes there are no words to express what is
being felt. Welcome silence. ·
I have the need for honesty from you and all those in my life. Terminally
ill people do not need deception. When they ask a question, they deserve a
truthful answer regardless of the issue. ·
I may need to discuss my religious views. Allow
this to be done with anyone they choose. ·
I get to choose whom I want and need around me. Don’t
feel hurt or take it personally if you are not asked for, or if your offer for
lunch is turned down. This probably means that there is a feeling of closure
and fulfillment with you. They may need to use the remainder of their energy
and time to have closure with others in their life also.
Excerpt from Where Souls Meet: Communicating With the Terminally Ill by Dillon Woods (Windermere Publications, Los Angeles, CA) © 2000 Dillon J. Woods. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author. Dillon Woods, M. Div., has given hundreds of seminars across the United States and Canada in areas of self-improvement and spirituality. He has composed, produced and recorded 10 original musical albums. His latest work is an album entitled Seasons. He is a published photographer and author. He is presently involved in supporting hospices across the country with his two books entitled, Where Souls Meet: Caring for the seriously ill and Questions For Quiet Times. Over the years his work and philanthropic community service has caused him to wear a wide range of hats. His varied experiences range from teaching in a High school to being a hospital chaplain to building houses and roads in the poorest parts of Mexico to being a personal fitness trainer for the rich and famous of Beverly Hills. Whatever the cause, the commitment to service is a continuing thread in his professional and personal life. To find out more about Dillon Woods, go to www.livingwithquality.com. For more information on his book, click here.
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