When moving through a tough transition, the number one thing that holds people back is their established set of beliefs: about themselves, about change, and about life in general. Nothing has a bigger impact on the way we move through change than our beliefs. A belief is something you think is true. It can be very strongly ingrained, like a conviction; or weaker, like something you happen to think is correct. This means that if you believe that change is difficult and terrible, you will probably have a difficult and terrible time. And the beliefs you have about who you are also directly affect how you feel during change. Do you believe that you are strong and capable—able to get through anything—or do you see yourself as insecure, weak and fearful?

There are some key differences between people who are good at change and those who struggle. People who embrace change—the people I like to call change optimists—think: Change is good. Change is about growing and learning, and something exciting may be waiting for me on the other side of this transition. They believe that change brings something new into their lives and that change always serves somehow. When change is thrust upon them or when they need to initiate a change on their own, these optimistic people try to make the best of the situation by looking for the positive in the situation.

The people I have met (I spoke to hundreds of people while researching my book, The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Any Change) who fear change usually believe that change is hard, that it brings up their anxieties and insecurities, and that it takes forever. They also think that they are unlucky if challenging change comes into their lives, and that they will be paralyzed, stressed, and unable to move past it.

The quickest way to regain control during change is first to become aware of what your mind is feeding you and then to make a sincere effort to choose better thoughts and beliefs (you can choose what to believe!). Start to notice what you most often think and say to yourself—and what you say to others. For example, if you are going through a breakup you may believe that you will be single forever because you are not attractive or worthy of a committed partner. If you get sick, you may believe that the illness is permanent and that you will never feel better. If you try to lose weight, you may believe you will always be overweight. And if you lose your home in a hurricane, you may believe that you will never you be safe or comfortable again. These are all beliefs you have created in your own mind.

The good news is that it is possible to identify and bust the myths and fears we have about change. We are the ones who create our distortions and our truths. They are part of the software that runs the computer inside our head. We all have the same hard drive, but each of us has unique programs that control our life. Once we have identified the most dominant programs (or beliefs) running on our computer, we have the ability to drag the negative ones into the trash and replace them with programs that will serve us better. We can see this in the person who was fired and quickly moved on to a better job versus the person who wallowed for years in unemployed misery. Or the cancer survivor who used the illness to find a renewed love of life versus the survivor who is still full of fear and uncertainty. The difference between these people is the beliefs that they hold.

The next time you’re faced with a challenging change, turn to the Change Manifesto: An Optimist’s Beliefs About Change. Print it out and leave a copy in your wallet, taped to your bathroom mirror or on your wall at work. Sometimes all you need is a reminder that regardless of how hard things may be right now, change is nothing more than an expected part of life that will ultimately lead you to something positive.

The Change Manifesto: An Optimist’s Beliefs About Change

Change is a good thing.

Change is always on my side. It exists to serve me, teach me lessons and help me embrace life’s mysteries.

This article is based on the book The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Any Change (HarperOne 2008) by Ariane de Bonvoisin.

Ariane de Bonvoisin is the founder of www.first30days.com, website that helps people transition through dozens of changes. She has a degree in economics and international relations from the London School of Economics and an MBA from Stanford University.