Ideas to Help Cope with the Emotional Impact of the 9-11 Anniversary Alissa Lukara

In response to the anniversary of 9-11, I share some ideas about how to cope which I gathered over the years of dealing with my own life challenges. I hope they in some small way help.

Honor your feelings. All of them: anger, fear, grieving, sadness, helplessness, hatred. Each one needs to be acknowledged as all right. There are no inappropriate feelings. Don’t judge yourself for any feelings you have either. Stop that little voice that tells you that you shouldn’t grieve so much, or be so angry, right in its tracks. There is also no “correct” amount of time to feel each feeling. Keep in mind that each person’s process, each person’s journey through the emotional landscape of the anniversary of this tragedy is his or her own.

Know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. Yes, some people experienced more loss, more grief and have more direct connections to last year's tragedies than others. At the same time, we are all going through this, all experiencing it: both as a nation and as a global community. Even if we don’t live in New York or Washington, we are all linked at some level in this--both in our suffering and in the tremendous link of love that resulted from it as people came together and helped one another. Anyone can connect to this link of love at any time just by stopping right where you are and getting quiet for a moment. Close your eyes, breathe deeply and feel yourself connecting to the link.

Connect in real time to others in your community, too. Reach out for help if you need it. You give people a gift when you ask for their assistance. Talk to people about what you are going through. Simply expressing it is tremendously healing.

Reach out to help someone else without expecting anything in return. Talk to a senior at a senior center who might not have anyone else to talk to about the 9-11 anniversary. Pray or simply hold in your heart those who died or are still suffering. As you perform these acts of service, dedicate your help to them. Your support doesn’t even have to be related to 9-11 itself. These acts can be as simple as letting a person ahead of you at the grocery store, yielding to traffic or smiling at someone. Dedicate every kind act you do in a day to the people who lost their lives, the people who live in New York and Washington, D.C., and their families. Dedicate each act to the end of violence and tragedy here and around the world.

Take deep breaths often, particularly while watching the news or reading about 9-11 over these days.  Breathing consciously brings you into the present moment and what you are experiencing here and now. It helps you get in touch with your true feelings, rather than cutting off from them.

Take regular breaks from the news. Do something which brings you back into your life now, that affirms life continuing to be lived one year after 9-11. Practice self care. Do some gardening. Go out in nature. Do a household chore. Eat a meal in silence. Call a friend. As you stop watching, take a moment to consciously experience the feelings that have been aroused in you. Feel them, move through them and integrate them before you move on with your day or go back to watching TV. These images impact us on deep levels and can stir up old traumas from last year's tragedy or that have nothing to do with this particular event.

Look for the personal lessons. This has been a journey for us all. A wake up call that said to everyone: Wake up. Pay attention. Yes, the people in New York and Washington and the families directly impacted may have had the deepest responses, but there were and continue to be lessons in this experience for everyone.

Get quiet and consider what the lessons have been for you. Did you learn to open your heart more in compassion and love? Have you experienced yourself more as part of the global community? Did you learn to listen more or discover how to feel safe again? Did you find ways to transform your anger into positive actions? Take some time over these days to reflect on what you have learned from this tragedy.

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