People Tell Their Stories:
Abuse and Violence

 

A Priestly Indulgence Pamela Crabtree

 

As an American Catholic I have been especially impacted on the child abuse scandal that is plaguing my church. I see no imminent resolution to this tragic unfolding and realistically expect more adults to report the childhood sexual abuses they suffered at the hands of priests throughout our country.

 

What’s interesting to me is that these adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse by priests are now coming forth, en mass, (excuse the pun) and solely through the strength derived from each other. It’s much more complicated than the snowball effect or the copycat acts that we, in America, come to expect. What I mean is that this particular group of adults held this childhood violation deep inside for decades and it is only through the courage of the few before them that they have gained the strength to go public and demand justice.

 

That being said, I feel compelled to state that though it is true the Catholic hierarchy harbors some pedophiles in their ranks, so do other organized religions and cults. In addition, the issue of celibacy is a moot point where pedophilia is concerned. According to the Department of Justice, there are 250,000 to 500,000 pedophiles residing in the United States and we can count those abusive priests among them – that plain, that simple.

 

However, don’t be so quick to put the scarlet letter on all priests because that is unfair at best. For example, I attended catechism class every Tuesday evening for years. It was a one-on-one with Father and me. This priest had every opportunity to compromise me and I’ll tell you right now – I would have done anything Father requested – simply out of respect for his vocation as well as being brought up that adults are the alpha and the omega of authority. During those years, Father was everything you would expect a priest to be. He truly personified a Christ-like man. I grew to love him sweetly and as only a child could love. I cannot believe that our relationship was unique. I’ll bet there are millions of Catholics who had the same positive experience as I did.

 

Still, as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and an advocate for children’s rights, I know how the pain and trauma can eat at you. It doesn’t gnaw large chunks of life out of you, like a shark taking a leg. No, childhood sexual abuse is more subtle and hurtful because its affects creep up on you and are recognized through failed or troubled relationships, emotional and mental problems, substance abuse problems, an incapacity to trust, and the loss of being able to experience the joy of loving, connecting and developing emotional intimacy with people.

 

Though my abuser was a stranger, I can only pray that he wasn’t a priest. In fact, I will play a pretend game, with myself, right now, as I had done so many times as a child, and believe that the man in the park who betrayed my innocence was a nothing, just a bum who didn’t belong to any working population. See how easily we survivors rub balm on our wounds and make excuses for the inexcusable?

 

It has only been the last few years that I have had the courage to come forth and speak publicly of my abuses and count myself as an “Adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse.” More importantly, the audience that needs to hear us are not only “Mom and Pop” America, but the pedophiles, the familial pedophiles, and members of pedophiliac organizations who stalk our children, like ugly beasts, waiting for the right time to pounce and turn them into victims of crimes. These destroyers of childhoods need to know their reign of sexual terror is coming to an end.

 

And, make no mistake, it will end when we begin to regularly teach our children that they matter to us, that they have self-worth, when mommy and/or daddy expresses their love freely and sweetly to them, and when they can tell mommy, daddy, or a trusted figure that someone is trying to touch them or has touched them inappropriately. Once we succeed in empowering our children with our love, it will be much more difficult for pedophiles to prey on them.

 

But, in the meantime, our children are still being victimized. Fortunately, there are agencies available to help diminish the ramifications of sexual abuse, but timing is of the essence. It is important that the child receive professional help immediately after the abuse in order to reduce the post traumatic stress that could easily follow the child into adulthood. There are child advocacy centers and family abuse prevention centers throughout the United States that are geared up to help children who have experienced some form of child maltreatment and/or some type of trauma. Just look in your local phonebook for those life-saving numbers.

 

So you see the problem of sexual abuse is not just a Catholic Church issue. It is an American crisis that affects all of us. Once we are convinced that “Silence Hurts” our kids, we will have begun to take the power away from the pedophiles. No longer will sexual perpetrators in the guise of friends, relatives, and strangers destroy a childhood that should be filled with trust, love, and the joy of connecting and developing emotional intimacy with people.

 

 

Pamela Crabtree, author of The Gift of Hurt, has given several presentations. The first, titled "Innocence Betrayed," is for survivors of trauma, victimization, and abuse and for mental health professionals. The second, "Labor of Love: The Birthing and Publishing of The Gift of Hurt,” chronicles how her book came to be. The third presentation, "Adhering to the Code of Ethics," is geared toward mental health professionals and stresses the importance of adhering to their Code of Ethics and what can happen if they breach them. Pamela is currently working on her Master's degree from The University of Toledo and serves on the advisory board for the Toledo Children's Hospital's Cullen Center for Children and Families and on the board of the Safe Kids Safe Street Task Force. She is a vocal children's advocate and endeavors to educate people about the facts of abuse, how to spot it and stop it. For more information, visit her website: www.pamelacrabtree.com.