A Survivor’s Gift and In the Difficult Times  Diane De Tar

Diane De Tar died of breast cancer on the 18th of July 2002.  Before she died, she spent many weeks in her bed at Hospice typing her story on a laptop. She asked her brother, Lyn Bisonette, to get her writings out to others so that they might be of service to others facing breast cancer and illness. He put together a website to do just this.

 

Here’s what Lyn wrote for Life Challenges about his sister:

 

“Diane so much wanted to reach out to others and share her loving thoughts. She is at peace now, but her memories will be with us always.

 

“I consider one of my fondest last memories of the two of us together something that happened on Father’s Day, 2002. When I was in the US Army in 1968 doing two tours in Viet Nam, I received a Bronze Star Medal. I thought I knew something of courage and death, but being with Diane while she had cancer, I learned that I was very wrong. Diane was the one who knew about both courage and death. On Father’s Day, I pinned that bronze medal on Diane’s hospital gown, while she lay in her bed at the hospital. We shared so many tears over this moment.

 

“Diane was cremated in July and at her request her ashes were scattered beneath one of the 100 foot tall Red Oak Trees on our 13 acres of property. Under the tree we placed a small two-foot tall angel statue and around the angel's neck now hangs the star ... where it will remain as long as I'm on the face of this earth.”

 

Following are two pieces Diane De Tar wrote while facing breast cancer:

 

A Survivor’s Gift

Survivors live each day to the best of their ability because today is all that any of us can be sure we have.

We choose to believe that our cup is half full, not half empty.

We believe there is no such thing as false hope, all we have is hope.

We appear to have an abundance of hope because we have moved past the hopelessness and the lowest time in our lives and we are determined to fight until the fight is over.

We don’t let anyone tell us there is no hope, because if you believe in a higher power, you believe in miracles and there is always hope that the next miracle will be ours.

We believe our bodies are just an avenue to give and receive love which is the breath of life.

When we feel that it is just too hard and the light at the end of the tunnel is too far away to see, we pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and put one foot in front of the other and face first the minute, then the hour and before we know it we have conquered the day and renew our hope for a better tomorrow.

We accept that death is not a failure if we never succumb to the hopelessness and self-pity that are always lurking in the shadows of our lives and we never give up the fight for the right to live until we die.

We believe our mind and body is one unit and if our mind sends negative messages to our body it will soon die; if we send positive messages to our body it will fight to survive.

We accept that we cannot win our fight alone and that we must learn to allow those around us to enter into our minds and hearts to help us to continue to believe that we can win this battle.

When we are told the statistics of our survival rates for living with a terminal illness are less than favorable to allow us the time we would like with our husbands, wives, children, grandchildren, parents and friends; we choose to look at those figures in a more positive light.  For example the statistics show that 20% of patients with the same illness can live an estimated 5 years and 80% will succumb to the illness in 1-5 years.  We choose to believe that we have every hope that we can be in that 20% and that will be our goal.

We have a more heightened awareness that tomorrow may never come and if we don’t say our “I love you’s” today we may never have that opportunity again. 

We have found the beauty in a cloudy sky just because we are here to see it today.

If you pass a stranger one-day and his or her head is held high and is just radiating self-confidence and determination; you can just see in their eyes that they are on a mission.  There is a good chance that you were just touched by a survivor.

We hope that our fight will bring something positive to those who have always been there for us not allowing us to falter when things got tough; something that will give our time in this world some meaning.

What I want to give to all of you who join with me every day is the knowledge that, by giving me moral and spiritual support while I try to find my way to the other side of this dark tunnel in my life, you now have shared the lessons I have learned as I faced my own mortality and that by knowing these things you will not waste even one minute of your lives from this moment on.

God bless you all!!

 

 

In the Difficult Times

In the difficult times lift your head up high, believe in yourself and reach for the sky.

In the difficult times don’t let down your guard and meet all your challenges even when it gets hard.

In the difficult times close your eyes and let your senses take you to a heavenly place where the streams flow quietly while the birds harmoniously sing.  Open your heart and allow natures beauty to take you under her wing.

In the difficult times don’t grieve your misfortunes or ponder all the things that might have been.  Meet your challenges head on no matter where or when.
In the difficult times don’t shut out those around you from offering their support, for they offer you the unity of a gentle but powerful healing force.

If the difficult times toss away all that anger and pain.  Let the warming comfort of a midday sun shine through the pouring rain.

In the difficult times you will never walk alone.  For God awaits in the distance to pick you up and carry you across the path of the painful stones.

In the difficult times take just one moment to admire the miraculous beauty in the heart of a rose.  Now revisit all the special moments you have been blessed to see for this is the path in life you chose.

In the difficult times don’t lose sight of what is truly important in your life.  Don’t ever waste a moment of your precious time with hate or pain or envy, for they are infectious weapons of the devils device.

In the difficult times wake up with a smile and you will know suddenly, that a day is as nice as you think it to be.

If difficult times we look to God to keep us on track.  Just don’t ask from him more than you are willing to give back.
Difficult times weigh heavy upon my body now, but my spirit is lifted like a feather to a heavenly place where God has heard your prayers for his healing powers and he is guiding them to me right now.

I’m not asking God to spare me the fate he has already planned.  I leave tomorrow nestled in his mystical and loving hands.

I don’t know what more I could ask for just look around this room.  It is abundantly evident I already have more than most.  I do ask one small favor, that each and every one of you feel as blessed as I do.

 

To visit Diane De Tar’s website and read more articles about how she lived and died with dignity, go to http://diane.ponpines.com