 |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
People
Tell Their Stories: The Holy Fool Jerry Wennstrom, An excerpt from The
Inspired Heart, An Artist’s Journey of
Transformation (Sentient Publications,
Boulder, CO) At age 29, Jerry Wennstrom set
out to discover the rock-bottom truth of his life. For years he questioned the
limits of his creative life as a studio painter. After destroying all of his art
and giving away everything he owned, Jerry began a life of unconditional trust,
allowing life to provide all that was needed. He lived this way for over 10
years and then moved to the state of “He who fears to be
foolish will never learn to be wise.” - Cor. 3:18 “A slave you must be.
Either you are a slave for the world or you There is in all of us a
Holy Fool, a friend to the soul of our world, often forgotten, or worse,
feared. When we make a complete and unconditional surrender and trust the
mysterious, unknown void with our lives, we enter the domain of the Holy Fool
for God. We become a slave to God, which is as free as we can be as human
beings. We are led by the allure of a deeper mystery, a presence that leads to
unimaginable freedom. Fearing that we may be
fools in the eyes of the world, we use this world as a safe and reasonable
reference point. We go about creating our lives in the image of what we see
externally, thus eliminating all mystery. We risk nothing at all that may lead
to a unique and holy freedom. Reason has an important place in our lives, but
its range is limited, and it becomes a foolish activity when we rely on it too
heavily. There is a saying, “Reason will take us to the door of heaven, but
love will get us in." We can reason ourselves
into being, fool ourselves into believing that our lives
are our own unique, logical, fixed creation. Then we must use endless amounts
of will and strategy to uphold this illusion. We receive no support from the
larger creative forces in this effort. When approached by the trusting and
emptied Fool for God, these same forces are available, hovering in
manifestation mode, ready to dispense of their gifts. The personal link
to the sacred is all we have when we are fully engaged in our own true life.
The mystery is all the support and structure we need to bring through the magic
that charms our lives. Most of us do our best to
live for something that feels like life and beauty. However misguided, we pour
our energies and our life force out with great determination into whatever
world we believe in. It is disheartening when the final expression of that
investment looks more like dust than dance. This brings to the surface a deep
grief, for which the only remedy is a final and lasting victory that is
uniquely our own. In stories, “happily ever
after” resonates with our souls. It is a truth that we know in our bones.
“Happily ever after" is our birthright! When grace delivers at the end of
the well-lived story, the final gift is compassion, which allows us to forgive
ourselves and our world. In this we find our freedom. We allow ourselves to be
happy, knowing that creation is not all our responsibility. We work hard and
joyfully, and allow space for the universe to meet our gifts half way. The
Mystery of the universe leads us gladly, given the chance. It can free us from
an unconscious creation, with a final expression we did not intend or hope for,
and bring into play the life we had imagined for ourselves. There is an image in the Bhagavad Gita of a bodhi tree that is seen as upside-down from the worldly
perspective. When seen from heaven, it is clear that the tree is right side up
and that the upside-down tree is its reflection. The Holy Fool is right side up
in this upside-down world. She sees the real tree and does not create the
illusion of a reflection. With an eye on the way things truly are, the Holy
Fool can use her alchemical touch to hand over what is difficult and out of
order to the Divine, to be returned sanctified. Like a child, she can laugh
when God laughs and cry when God cries. If we go deeply into the
difficult places in our life, we find an edge where we have faltered before,
which remains unresolved and therefore unchanged. We have backed away or run
away from this edge more than once. If we have not done the necessary
introspective work, backing away is an unconscious, instinctual response. The
ego informs us that we are confronting our death, so we believe that we need to
retreat from the edge to survive. The ropes course is a
wonderful training ground for practice of the metaphoric death experience. It
is a way to activate the internal Holy Fool. You have to be a little foolish to
do it in the first place. One of the exercises in the program is to climb way
up high, forty feet, to the top of a pole. There are iron stakes in the pole to
climb on. When you reach the top, you let go with your hands and stand fully
erect on the top of the pole. You are told to leap out and catch the large bar
hanging six feet away and slightly above you. Of course, while all this is
going on, you are in a harness fastened to a rope that will hold you should you
fall. The ego does not
interpret this experience as a metaphorical death. The irrational need of the
unconscious to survive is more powerful than we imagine. In spite of the
metaphor and the safety rope, what you feel is terror! The Holy Fool is
empowered by the mythic reality of the metaphor and has faith in the unseen
safety rope above. When we are immersed in our own journey, alone and full of
doubts, and hearing the message, “This is death,” then we should remember this:
there is a rope. The metaphorical death
experience is a given in our lives. As time will always reveal, we have no
choice but to fully traverse this dark landscape and emerge into light on the
other side. The form the journey takes is a uniquely individual experience. In
telling the collective stories of this journey, we create and share a newly
emerging myth. Conscious participation in the shared story is probably
the most important gift we can experience, physically and spiritually, in the
world today. We need a healthy and irrational foolishness to receive this gift.
We must trust our intuitive feeling for the simple love, adventure, and joy of
life! There is no reference point for this experience. We have only the
inherent support that comes with being in right relationship with the Mystery.
The support and communication we get from the universe along the way—the
feedback that informs us that all is well in our creation—is a miracle! There is a story told
about the Buddha calling the earth to witness. The Buddha was asked a
reasonable question, something like, "Exactly who do you think is going to
understand these lofty ideas of yours, and who do you think you are anyway, to
become such a large and beautiful truth?" His answer was a most
unreasonable one. He reached down and touched the ground, and there was a
rumble from the core of the earth. The earth itself spoke on the Buddha's
behalf. I am not sure he caused the earth to quake. I believe, however, that he
was at the perfect place at the perfect moment, being asked the perfect
question by the perfect person, who may in fact have been the archetypal devil
himself. This right relationship to a larger harmony is the unreasonable
reality of the Holy Fool for God. The ego responds to life
by trying to survive, avoiding difficult situations, rather than expecting a
miracle. Remember the TV comedy show from years ago, Sanford and Son? If we can keep our
immediate reactions in check when we are confronting difficulty and discomfort,
we discover a place in our hearts where we know that all is well. Held in
innocence, this place protects us. The people or events that present the
challenges are seen ultimately as our best helpmates. They come bearing gifts,
even those who choose to be our enemies. “An insult, to a sage, is a boon!” -Lao Tzu The immediate response of
backing away to survive a difficult situation is often the product of an old
habit. When we remember what previous choices we made at this juncture, we
begin to see the recurring pattern of this habit. We realize that we have
turned away at this decisive moment before. We can make a different choice this
time. We can break old patterns and set in place the good habits that serve us.
We do, however, have our
own timing for full entry into the mysterious fool’s journey. Although we need
to work diligently and be as conscious and self-aware as possible, there is, in
the end, that all-important element of grace. Grace is on good speaking terms
with the Holy Fool. We must call on her constantly with passion, invoking her
power as we go. How we do that seems not to matter as much as that we do it
consistently. This invocation is a living prayer. There is a way of being
prayer that is fully grounded in a personal relationship with the divine. It is
the way of trust, in which we do not feel separate from the source. The
entrance to this way has everything to do with the sincerity and intention of
the practice and little to do with the particular form of practice. Being
prayer includes time and space for light-hearted foolishness and beauty. There is a wonderful
story from the Hindus, I believe. Once a very determined
spiritual seeker went to see a very great guru who was also a king. The
guru was a Holy Fool. Upon seeing the determination of this young seeker, he
instructed the woman to walk through his entire castle. She was told not to miss
a single room. The castle was a dark and beautiful place and she would need a
light to see. She was given an oil lamp that was filled to the very brim with
oil, and she was told that it was most important not to spill a single drop.
This young seeker, intuiting the spiritual significance of the task, was
extremely careful with the very full lamp. After several hours of walking with
great seriousness of purpose through the entire castle, she finally returned to
the king, feeling that she had accomplished the difficult assignment he had
given her. She said, “I managed to go through every single room without
spilling a single drop of oil." The king said, “Very good! But tell me,
did you enjoy the beauty of my castle?” The young woman said, “No! How could I?
I was focused on the oil and was being very careful not to spill it. I didn’t
notice a thing!” The king said, “Then you have failed the test!” We must find the beauty
in our own journey, but many spiritual traditions hold that it may not be
accomplished in one lifetime. This is a timeless involvement; therefore it can
also happen now, and why not? What more important work is there to do? The importance we give to
this fool’s journey will fade if we do not maintain the relentless attention
that it requires. Most of us begin our soul’s journey with at least one foot
limping along. And many of us begin it as young people, with the foolhardy
belief that we can do the things that have never been done! Eventually,
if the entirety of our being does not engage the process and ground it in
consistency, we lose our dream that a deeper spirituality even exists. We need
to focus on the spiritual reality of our lives with a fierce hold on our
original innocence. We apply enormous amounts of time, energy, and discipline
to the things that do not last in this life. These activities have little to do
with anything that results in real happiness for others or for us. We are at a rare time in
the history of our world. Consciousness is attempting to come through the
spirit of our lives. It brings with it all that we need to live out its gift.
At the same time, our old ways of being on the planet are beginning to fail.
Our social forms and structures are radically changing and breaking down, our
mother, the Earth, is ailing! We are truly in uncharted territory. Perhaps the Holy Fool in
us trusts that this, too, is God. The light could not exist except in relation
to the dark. When we hold this Fool’s vision, we can begin to see that where we
stand now is holy ground, perfectly in place under our feet, ready for our next
step in a meaningful new direction. This unknown, mysterious universe will show
us the way that it needs to go! We must realize that we do not know how to save
ourselves or our world. This not-knowing is a healthy, worthy position that can
lead us in a true direction. The wisdom of the Holy Fool is off limits to human
manipulation. It is out of the reach of intellectual understanding and control.
It is a holy wisdom inside experience, where mind leaves off and spirit takes
over. Even our best intentions are rendered useless here.
“Goodness is the final obstacle to
God," says the Bhagavad Gita. We need to wait and trust
that all will be served in some joyful, mysterious way, in which we can be willing
participants in our own good stories. Reality knows the way; it is not lost,
and neither are we. A time may come when you
are asked to let go of everything you think you are and all that you think you
possess. If you can give yourself to this process, what will emerge will be a
truer self in a truer world. All will be well. All that you had hoped for, all
that is most important to you, all that seemed to be impossible or gone
forever, will be sanctified and returned to you. This is the innermost wisdom
of the Holy Fool! Excerpted from The Inspired Heart: An
Artist’s Journey of Transformation (Sentient Publications, Boulder,
CO). © 2002. Reprinted by permission
of Jerry Wennstrom. All rights reserved. Jerry Wennstrom
authored The Inspired Heart: An Artist’s
Journey of Transformation (Sentient Publications, Boulder, CO), a book of
stories about the process of letting go of all his art and possessions, living
fearlessly attuned to his own heart and eventually creating a new body of art.
He was born in
|