Caregiving the Terminally Ill and seriously ill: Hospice Volunteer story

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Caregiving the Terminally Ill: Experiences of a Hospice Volunteer, Excerpt from Where Souls Meet: Communicating With the Terminally Ill Dillon Woods

I was barely out of my teenage years when the desire to become a Franciscan Monk hit me. As I pursued my Masters of Divinity Degree I followed their rule of life intensely and became a member of a monastery while I continued my studies. Even though I was a “monk-in-training,” people who were ill often approached me for prayer. During this time I learned of the many people who flock to church and religion in times of despair, desperation, fear and suffering. It took only a short time to realize that everyone wants to go to “heaven”, but no one wants to die!

While living in the monastery my first superior, Father Chris Dobson, said I had become overly spiritual and felt that I needed more balance in my life. His exact words were, “You’ve become so heavenly minded that you are no earthly good.” To give me more practical life experience, he asked me to work as a chaplain in a local hospital. He believed this kind of work was what I needed to bring me back to the reality of this world. Although hesitant at first (Did I really want to be around sick people?), I enjoyed the job. So, at 22 years of age I was the chaplain’s assistant at Mercy Hospital. I was able to make a positive difference in the lives of those I met and those with whom I worked.

While at this hospital, I met and worked with Sister Dorothy Kline, RSM. It was she, more than anyone, who taught me the art of working with those who were ill. She was a tiny person, with the biggest heart I ever saw, and eyes that danced with excited, inspired, positive energy. Her one passion was what she called “clown ministry.” To this day she dedicates her life to making people smile (especially kids who are sick). As the head Chaplin, she helped to shape my early thinking and experience with death, suffering and illness. Through Sister Dorothy I learned to listen to others from my heart. This was a skill I had, up to that point, given little thought to. “Listening is a skill to be learned, practiced and mastered,” she said. “The easiest rule to remember is the most important. Listen the way you want to be listened to.” No one listened like Sister Dorothy.

After leaving the monastery, I was forced to learn about terminal illness in a completely new way. Suddenly terminal illness and I had a different, more personal, relationship, as I helped both my parents while they were dying of cancer. They died within a few months of each other. I thought I had been prepared for this sort of thing; that all I had learned in the Monastery and in the Hospital with Sister Dorothy made me ready. I had been a spiritual leader. I had helped countless numbers of families deal with exactly this issue - I was a professional. No problem, I thought. Wrong! I was surprised to find the experience of losing my parents wrenching and deeply upsetting; however, I knew I was more fortunate than most because I had at least a few things on which I could rely; for instance, my education on this subject and my years of experience in being of service to others.

Luckily, I’m a note taker. I keep notes and journals for virtually every occasion. In caring for my parents I would often refer to some of the notes I had taken while in the Monastery. The messages spoken so clearly by my Franciscan mentors and Sister Dorothy reminded me to see that death is as natural a process in life as birth. Ironically, I found myself searching for advice that I had once so easily given mournful family members. During this difficult time I was also able to bond more deeply to my siblings and I experienced a sort of transformation in the outlook of my own life.

In retrospect, one of the things that helped my transformation happen was my experience with the hospice workers I met during my parents battle with cancer. They were trained to help in situations like that of my family, so it was arranged that they would help us care for my parents. Hospice came to my parents home with a quiet presence, yet they quickly gained our respect and trust. Whether it’s hospice volunteers or friends and family, it is necessary to have someone available so you can get away for a day or even just a few hours. The last few months of someone’s life are very difficult for everyone in the situation – even paid nurses. I was so impressed by my experience with hospice, that when my grief was mostly healed, I sought to give back. I became a hospice volunteer at a large hospital in the Los Angeles area.

Because of my background in psychology and spirituality, I was asked by the hospice program to teach a class to its volunteers called Communicating With The Terminally Ill. I found that through teaching others I became more aware of the abundance of knowledge I had on this subject. I was able to not only give those in the class what they needed, but was also able to relearn it myself. I began to take notes (see what I mean), which I felt would help me organize my thoughts on this topic.

As the class progressed these notes grew into a small booklet and this small booklet continued to expand. I eventually began providing copies to friends and hospice workers I knew who were in the process of being with a terminally ill person. The response was tremendous! The book …was written in an effort to provide guidance, understanding, and comfort to anyone struggling through this difficult experience.

Excerpt from Where Souls Meet: Communicating With the Terminally Ill by Dillon Woods (Windermere Publications, Los Angeles, CA)

Dillon Woods, M. Div., has given hundreds of seminars across the United States and Canada in areas of self-improvement and spirituality. He has composed, produced and recorded 10 original musical albums. His latest work is an album entitled Seasons. He is a published photographer and author. He is presently involved in supporting hospices across the country with his two books entitled, Where Souls Meet: Caring for the seriously ill and Questions For Quiet Times. Over the years his work and philanthropic community service has caused him to wear a wide range of hats. His varied experiences range from teaching in a High school to being a hospital chaplain to building houses and roads in the poorest parts of Mexico to being a personal fitness trainer for the rich and famous of Beverly Hills. Whatever the cause, the commitment to service is a continuing thread in his professional and personal life. To find out more about Dillon Woods, go to www.livingwithquality.com. For more information on his book, click here.

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