The Gift of Compassion Donna Webster

If I could turn back time and change the past, would I change the fact that I have an incurable illness called Fibromyalgia?  Some would think so, but I can honestly say that I would not change a thing.  Of course I did not feel that when I was first told that I had an illness in which there was no cure.  At 32 years old it was devastating to learn that I was sick and there was not a thing I could do to change it. 

It all started with these weird symptoms that did not make any sense to me at all.  I was tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I got.  I had aches and pains all over my body and some days I felt like an 80 year old woman.  I awoke each morning with my head pounding and I often felt like I had been run over by a truck.  By the time I made it to the bathroom to get ready for work, I was exhausted.  My hands felt like they were asleep and I was dropping things like they were hot potatoes.  Each day I was given a surprise of a new symptom that just did not make any sense at all.  I had joint and muscle pain, migraines, night sweats, acid reflux, nasal problems, dry eyes and mouth, and I felt like I had rocks in my shoes.

I am thinking to myself, am I crazy?  There was no logical reason for any of these symptoms.  The symptoms were different each day and the list was getting longer and stranger all the time.  After a couple months of feeling like this, I realized that this was not going away, and I needed to find out what was happening to me.  So I made a list of all the symptoms and decided it was time to visit the doctor. 

I was scared of what I would find out, but I knew that there must be a reason why this is happening to me.  On the day of the doctor’s visit I was scared and I hoped that he would not think I was a crazy woman.  As I explained all of my symptoms he performed a pressure point exam on me, which I later learned is one of the exams used to determine if you have Fibromyalgia.  After completing the exam, he looked at me and said you have Fibromyalgia.  I was relived to know I was not crazy and to learn that what I was experiencing had a name, but I was not prepared for what he said to me next.  His told me that this is a women’s illness, there is no cure, and I need to learn to live with it. He offered me no treatment what so ever, and sent me on my way. 

I was shocked and upset when I left his office.  What kind of doctor sends you off on your own with no cure and a life sentence of an illness?  Sure I had a name now for this illness, but he offered no hope and I just did not know what in the world I was going to do about it. 

I was missing work at my new job, I was written up and my job was in jeopardy, and this guy tells me I just have to live with it.  To top it off, my coworkers did not believe I was sick because I did not look sick.  I was given an illness that unfortunately no one else can see.

It’s been eight years since that day I learned about my illness and so much has changed for me.  I found a doctor who understands this illness and although there is no cure, I can manage the symptoms of the illness with medications.  I have learned it is not just an illness that affects women.  And I have learned I am not alone it this, there are millions who also suffer from the same illness. 

One of the important things I have learned on my journey is that you cannot judge a book by the cover.  My illness is often invisible to others.  This has taught me not to judge a person by what he or she may look like.  This illness has no barriers. It does not matter if you are rich or poor, man, woman, or child.  It does not matter where you live, nor what age you are. You cannot pretend it does not exist and hope it will go away. 

I spent many nights crying myself to sleep and hoping that when I would wake up in the morning it would have just been a bad dream.  But I also learned a very valuable lesson on this journey.  I have come to realize that I have no control over some of the things that happen in my life.  It was a hard lesson to learn, but when I finally was able to learn that lesson, I was also given a gift. 

I never thought I would be grateful for an illness, but it was with this illness that I received a gift that was unexpected.  The gift I received is the gift of compassion for others and being able to sit down and write inspirational words to let others know that they are not alone. Sending out an inspirational poem to a stranger and to know my words comfort someone makes the journey all worth while.  I know now that I could never turn back time and change the past, for without the past, I would not have received my gift to help others.  God gives us gifts that we sometimes don’t expect, and they don’t always come in the pretty package you were hoping for.  And a gift is not a true gift until you give it away.  And I would not change a thing about my journey because the journey allows me to give a little bit of me to you.                                                  

Donna Webster is an inspirational writer. After receiving many wake up calls, she is working on her book about living with not one, but 2 chronic illnesses. It is her dream to help inspire others through her writing. She believes we all have the power to live the life we were meant to live if we have enough courage to take that first step.